Cristalle works with individuals struggling with romantic, professional, or family relationships or friendships.
Relationships can raise complex and painful questions, such as:
Am I in an abusive relationship?
What are the specific signs of abusive behaviour in a relationship?
Is my partner a narcissist?
Should I leave my relationship?
How do I leave my relationship?
Is this emotional abuse, or am I overreacting?
Why is my relationship so complicated?
Is it me or them or us?
What if I leave and never find anyone else?
Grappling with these questions on your own can be very hard. Cristalle wants to help you find clarity in these dilemmas.
Cristalle recognises that when we struggle with our relationships, we may not feel comfortable engaging in couples counselling. Individual relationship counselling allows you to explore your relationship and resolve any issues with an objective other person who seeks to validate your perspective.
Can individual relationship therapy help me?
Therapy can greatly benefit you if your relationships leave you feeling anxious and insecure, especially if you lose trust in yourself and your perspective. This insecurity may be because you feel unheard and alone, resulting from being in a relationship where you are being undermined, misunderstood and invalidated. Therapy may help you discern what is happening within your relationship and understand the dynamics better so you can be more informed about what to do next.
An example of a dilemma clients face is whether their relationship is abusive or not. It can be hard to gain clarity and perspective on this without an objective person to sound things out. Relationships can exist on a spectrum, and the dynamic between people can shift and change. Dynamics can become unhealthy, toxic and abusive. When we recognise this, another dilemma appears. Is the abuse intentional, and how do I fix it? Can I fix it, or do I walk away? How much of this relationship angst is my responsibility, how much of it is the other person’s responsibility, and how much of it is from our dynamic? How can I resolve relationship difficulties alone, or should I leave?
Relationships can often leave you feeling powerless and triggered, which can be devastating to your self-esteem.
What we all deserve and desire is healthy, loving relationships where there is a balance of power. Where needs can be met, both parties feel psychologically, physically, sexually and emotionally safe.
How can this be achieved?
Psychotherapy with Cristalle Hayes can help you to:
- Understand how to relate to others from a position of strength and capability.
- Recognise and challenge behaviours such as codependency & people-pleasing.
- Recognise narcissistic behaviours and protect yourself from this type of abuse.
- Recognise and heal complicated feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem and shame.
- Strengthen your inner voice.
- Navigate difficult and strong emotions, such as loneliness, aloneness and anger.
- Handle conflict
- Heal from the pain of a relationship ending.
- Gain clarity to recognise toxic or abusive behaviour and to discern more loving behaviour.
- Help you work towards having emotional safety within your relationships and interactions.
- Help you to be more authentic in relationships.
Here are some quick tips you can try to start working through your relationship problems:
Here are some quick tips you can try to start working through your relationship problems:
- Feel your feelings.
Often, the experience of being in a relationship is so overwhelming and confusing that you can start to doubt yourself and feel very unclear about what is going on. When the situation becomes overwhelming, you can feel numb, almost paralysed, from your emotions. It is entirely normal, and your brains attempt to protect you from pain. However, when you feel ready, the best way to gain clarity is to allow yourself to feel those feelings. Allowing yourself to cry and understand those feelings helps you to work through them.
2. Gain perspective on your relationship.
Whether speaking to someone you trust, a safe friend or a therapist, talking your situation through with someone outside of your relationship can help you gain perspective. Doing this does not make you disloyal. You can also put your emotions and thoughts into something creative like drawing or painting; This helps you gain clarity over a complex and confusing situation.
3. Prioritise your boundaries and needs.
We can become easily overwhelmed with the demands of relationships, whether at work, romantic, or family relationships. Sometimes, we may feel we have lost our identity or sense of self and struggle to regain our identity outside of the relationship. When this is happening, it may be because we are not setting firm boundaries or expressing our needs. Learning what you need and how to say ‘no’ can help.
4. Take care of yourself like you would your child.
It’s easy to put self-care at the bottom of the list of priorities when you are overwhelmed by your relationships – but looking after yourself physically and mentally is vital for you to recover and reassess who you are outside of your relationships. Even if it’s just making sure you wash every day, make yourself a healthy meal – remember you still need to take care of yourself and allow yourself the time to do that
What is the approach that Cristalle takes in individual relationship therapy?
Cristalle’s approach to individual relationship therapy is to work with clients to help them understand their relationships and resolve any issues objectively. She helps clients understand how to relate to others from a position of strength and capability, recognise and challenge behaviours such as codependency and people-pleasing, recognise narcissistic behaviours, and navigate difficult emotions such as loneliness, aloneness, and anger. She also helps clients heal from the pain of a relationship ending and gain clarity to recognise toxic or abusive behaviour and discern more loving behaviour.
What to do if you are struggling with your relationships
- Attending the 12-Step Group CODA or reading literature around codependency can give you tools to relate more healthily. http://coda.org/
- Give yourself time to heal from any toxicity or abuse from a relationship. Accept and greet your experience with compassion and learn to spend time alone. Yoga and meditation are fantastic for this.
- Explore with a therapist your triggers and difficulties around relationships. Get an objective take on the dynamics at play.
- Explore with a therapist your pattern of relationships, including your early relationships in childhood. Journalling and exploration can give you more insight into your situation.